40 Confessions of a Trafficking Survivor

The Confession by Pietro Longhi

  1. It’s not that I thought I’d have a hard time making it to age 18, I just assumed I never would
  2. I think about going back to “the life” because I feel like, at least there, people understand me
  3. I feel unlovable
  4. One time or another I had to trade sex for survival (ie. food, rides out of life threatening situations)
  5. There were moments when I enjoyed having power over men… naïve because it was power that I quickly lost each time
  6. There’s not a single day where something doesn’t remind me of my trafficking situation: a car, a smell, a name
  7. When men look at me lustfully I wonder if they’ve seen pictures of me on the internet
  8. It’s rare that I feel safe
  9. I am in mourning over my childhood – I desperately wish that I could act like a kid again but I’ll smack you if you treat me like a one
  10. I have a deep need to be heard
  11. Some days the road to healing doesn’t feel worth it… it’s just too hard
  12. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my traffickers but…
  13. I wouldn’t mind hearing that they had died
  14. I don’t fully trust anyone, especially myself
  15. Exhaustion is a daily battle
  16. It feels as though anyone who looks at me immediately knows…well, everything
  17. I feel shamed
  18. Just at the moment I begin to feel whole, I start to feel like I’m going crazy
  19. I usually don’t know what I want or know what I need
  20. I’d never want to let you know it because I try to act tough, but I can be pretty sensitive
  21. Pushing someone away is a lot easier than watching them leave
  22. I assume you’re going to leave
  23. I assume you’re going to hurt me
  24. Death doesn’t scare me– for several reasons
  25. There was a time when I really believed that my traffickers loved me and I loved them
  26. I often feel stupid and incapable
  27. Sometimes I miss the ease of being mean
  28. During my trafficking situation I abused any substance I could get my hands on – the only way I knew to survive was to become numb
  29. I never thought that anyone would believe my story
  30. For years, I lived in fear for my life
  31. People have been very cruel and judgmental
  32. To the “Johns” no, I did NOT like it, it wasn’t good, you’re not the biggest I have ever seen, I did not choose this life, I’m not thankful for the extra tip, and I really, really do not want to call you Daddy
  33. My “freedom” was expensive
  34. I’m scared that I’ll waste this second chance of life I’ve been given
  35. I would be nothing without grace
  36. I owe much of my freedom today to people speaking truth and love into my world
  37. Choosing to fight for joy is unimaginably hard, but a fight I’ve chosen
  38. I secretly hope to have a “normal” life someday
  39. Though I may not always let them know it, I love the people now in my life
  40. I’m blown away at how blessed I am today
*Please note that these are just confessions of my own.  Every survivor’s situation and path of recovery is different.
May this blog serve as an education to those who do not yet know or understand the atrocities of trafficking and may it serve as encouragement to those who understand it all too well.
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13 Comments

  1. Lisa

     /  October 25, 2011

    Bless you for sharing. If my arms could reach you I’d hug you. The atrocities that have happened to you and the hope of Jesus you now have inspires me to pray. He’s the One with the power and love to overcome, so your story is ushering me into His presence for you and others. Please don’t loose heart in the fight, keep hanging on, keep taking steps. So many love you especially the Creator of the Universe. My heart and tears go out to you.

    Reply
  2. foreverygirl

     /  October 22, 2011

    I wish you had a platform for the world to hear your story. Praying for you!

    Reply
    • Thank you- I wish all survivors had a healthy platform to share that they desire, but it’s tough, and sometimes people just don’t want to listen. That’s why this blog has been such a blessing to me so far- it’s a great platform. 🙂

      Reply
  3. I am amazed at your bravery and honesty. THANK YOU for telling your story. Please continue to…
    – Lauren
    confidentofthis.com

    Reply
  4. Thank you for sharing your story. May this blog be a place of healing for yourself and many others.

    Reply
  5. Becky

     /  October 21, 2011

    You are a strong woman and I thank God that you are willing to pull back the veil to show others some of your journey. May the Lord grant you great joy and peace!

    Reply
  6. Jenny

     /  October 20, 2011

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful post.

    Reply
  7. You are an amazing woman. Thank you for being so honest. May you continue to grow in confidence and encourage others with your story.

    Reply
  8. Thank you so much for opening up and sharing. Everyone needs to read this-really-everyone. Praying for you on your journey.

    Reply
    • Thanks so much Cindy – please feel free to pass this blog onto whomever you like or “Like” the 9to20 page on Facebook. If something good can come out of my story – education, awareness, comfort, whatever than I can deal with it being a part of my life! 🙂

      Reply

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