Money is one of the biggest triggers for me. Nothing sends me into a spiral near depression like being low on money does. Let me back up to explain…
Money conversations were common in my household growing up, but it wasn’t talk of stocks and bonds. It was talk of how money doesn’t grown on trees and certainly not on our trees. It was more complaining then financial planning. My father was really into conspiracy theories and how banks and “the Man” were out to get you. I was constantly told “you need to pull your weight or we’re going to starve”— hence him forcing me to work in the sex industry. The “Life”, the “Game” of sex… it’s always about the money. It’s about greed and an easy way out for people to make cash and act superior– but really, it’s all the money.
I think I do pretty well with my funds, though I’m sure I could do better. I know how to get what I need out of a little– stretching the dollar you might say. I’m a firm believer in tithing and in general being generous with your finances. (I’ve been so blessed by other people throughout life and God has always been my provider so I really just can’t see another way of operating.) I don’t over-shop and I’m not afraid to return those inevitable impulse buys that sometimes happen. All this being said however, I’ve pretty much always lived paycheck to paycheck and have had to come up with creative ways to get the bills paid. It’s one of my biggest stressors.
It used to be that when my family was backed into a financial corner, the sale of my body would get us out. It used to be that when my family was out of food, I’d be the last to eat. The correlation between being broke and being raped is clear and it makes me sick. I look at my bank account even now and the lower it gets, the more nauseated I feel. The more it drops, the more seriously frightened I become that my world’s going to fall apart and I’m going to feel again what it means to starve. I haven’t used my body as a financial bail-out since I moved from under my father’s control, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t tempting at times. It’s not rational to think that I’ll starve but it is rational to hate the love of money.
Wishing that the world wasn’t so controlled by money is nice but it’s not going to change anything. As much as finances stress me out, I am SO glad that I have a job I love instead of one that makes me a million dollars a year. I’d much rather live generously than live selfishly knowing that if you even make $1,000 (USD) a month you STILL are in the top 10% or so of the world’s wealthiest. Please take a moment to see where your own income falls by clicking here (it’s a little outdated but still handy.) Also, read through some of these mind-blowing statistics, like the fact that 1 in every 2 children in our world are living in poverty or that 80% of humanity lives on less than $2.50 a day— 80%! Let’s you and me take a step towards putting our money situation into perspective! It’s one of the best ways I’ve found to minimize the stress surrounding my finances because there are people in MUCH worse situations than me and at far greater risk of being trafficked.
May this blog serve as an education to those who do not yet know or understand the atrocities of trafficking and may it serve as an encouragement to those who understand it all too well.
9to20 
Marty D.
/ January 28, 2012As an independent trucker and the only income in my house I’m often tempted in the same way when there’s not enough work. I have to remind myself of one incident several years ago when I was stressed out to the max, running late into the night with all kinds of things going wrong (late load, had to tarp the load, then noticed four big 5″ screws in two of my fairly new trailer tires – ONE IN THE SIDEWALL (can’t fix that), had a service truck come out ($$$) to fix them and later one went flat again and I had to call the guy back). I was so doggone tired my body was screaming for sleep, but I knew I had to get the heck out of Baltimore so I could get at least south of DC or I’d be stuck in seriously bad traffic in the am. I couldn’t believe I had to wait once again for the truck to come out, wasting more time and another service call ($$$). I felt so bad for my wife at home that I would have to give her these big bills and I just let out a yell, “GOD!! CAN’T YOU HELP ME? ALL I’M TRYING TO DO IS JUST MAKE A LIVING!!!” Then there was this thought in my mind (Him talking), “Whatever I give you,… it’s enough.” Whoa! I knew that wasn’t me thinking that lofty, full of wisdom and hope thought!
Mary Hollis
/ January 27, 2012Thanks for the reminder! This is exactly what I need as I am in the process of moving and trusting on God’s provision in the process! Love how insightful each of your blogs are! Thanks for the transparency!