I Feel Pretty (Oh So Pretty)

Today was a good day.  I felt smart today.  I felt capable today.  I felt pretty today.  This isn’t the norm.  I don’t talk about body image a lot because admittedly mine’s pretty screwed up and when you talk about the way you look negatively nice people inadvertently try to compliment you.  (And I hate complements.)  However, for the sake of transparency, I shall talk about it here.

I suppose it comes from years of having my physicality at the forefront, but I just don’t normally see myself as attractive.  I was constantly critiqued… you’re too fat, your skin’s too light, too dark, has too many blemishes.  You’re hair’s no good, you’re too short, your breasts aren’t big enough, even enough, pushed up enough.  Your teeth are crooked, your tongue’s too pointy, your ears, feet and toes too large. Oh, your butt and nose are too big as well.  I’ve heard it all, so it’s no wonder I have an awkward time hearing anything good.  Even currently I struggle with my body type, wish my skin was a different color and think I could (don’t yell at me!) stand to lose a good 50 pounds.  I get through the world by faking a confidence I don’t truly have because I’m a firm believer that if you act like you’ve got “it” people just often assume that you do… whatever the “it” is.

But like I said, today was a good day. I felt pretty today.  Before you think of me as too vein though, allow me to explain a little.  This is why I felt pretty today… I accomplished a lot on my checklist.  I had an intelligent conversation.  I managed money wisely and avoided an extra expense.  It was a good hair and makeup day.  I spoke with a dear friend on the phone and spent quality time with another.  I had an “I feel at home” moment (a great rarity for me!).  My outfit didn’t make me feel fat.  I enjoyed some fun with great music.  I heard a unique and unthreatening compliment.  A very handsome man smiled at me more than once and I was able to receive and give good news today.

Feeling beautiful isn’t all about the physical… it’s so much more.  The more us survivors of sexual trauma can experience the other types of beauty and blessing, the more our physical wounds heal.  There’s at least one hurting person in your life right now. Figure out how you can show them there non-physical attractiveness and then do it!

May this blog serve as an education to those who do not yet know or understand the atrocities of trafficking and may it serve as an encouragement to those who understand it all too well.

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