The Power of a RESET

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day… have you read it?  Well, around mid-day today I started feeling a little like Alexander’s… things just weren’t working out the way I would have liked.  It was all a bunch of silly things really, but they were adding up fast– not to mention that I was feeling VERY hungry.  I paused in an effort to acquire lunch, only to find out that my debit card wasn’t working again (probably because there wasn’t any money in my account– banks are funny that way… I guess their mamma never taught them to share??)

Now, I’ve been discovering recently that the combination of “hunger” and “no money” is a bit of a trauma trigger for me.  Right in that moment it seemed that the entire universe was working against me to make sure I’d never get a chance to eat ever again and obviously that wasn’t true.  I wasn’t going to starve, I wasn’t even going to have to do horrible things in exchange for a meal.  I simply needed to drive back to where I left my purse (that I was too lazy to take in the first place) and get money for my meal.  In my agitated state I made myself remember the power of a “reset”… a coping mechanism I’d developed years ago as a child.  I literally envisioned a switch flipping from “Out of control/pain/fear/abuse/stress/activated state” to simply “Calm.”  (It used to be that the other end of my switch said “numb” but “calm” now seems like a healthier alternative.)

My 2 for 1 candy bars... and no, I did not eat them both!

That’s all it took for me to regain control of myself thankfully… triggered trauma doesn’t always go away that easily.  But here’s the funny part… after a few hours I was still feeling hungry and had this crazy craving for a candy bar.  Now, I really never, never buy candy bars. They’re horrible for you, expensive and rarely made with ethical/slave free chocolate.   However, I had a clear prompting that I should just go for it and treat myself anyway.  Since I had a similar prompting earlier to take my purse with cash to lunch, I decided to listen this time.  Proceeding to place my quarters in the vending machine I thought, “Ha! Wouldn’t it be fun if two candy bars fell out by mistake as they sometimes do?”  Sure enough, no sooner did I punch in my choice of “A4” than did TWO bars of chocolate covered peanut butter fall to my disposal.  I took it as a sign– a silly sign but still… almost as if though God Himself said, “Here, I’ll cut you a break… good job with hitting that RESET button on your day today.”  I’ll take it. 🙂

May this blog serve as an education to those who do not yet know or understand the atrocities of trafficking and may it serve as an encouragement to those who understand it all too well.

(Post originally written 3/15/12)

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