Cravings

We’ve all had cravings.  Something salty, something sweet… a craving for that deliciously buttered movie popcorn or maybe a mound of chocolate.  I’ve even craved a salad after eating poorly for too long.  But what about cravings for the inedible in life?  Have you experienced a craving for a child? A craving for solitude maybe?

Tonight I crave my own space– to build my own nest in a sense.  It’s not so much the isolation that I want.  It’s more a desire to create my own firm foundation… it’s as if I have this beautiful painting formed in my mind’s eye.  It has colors so vivid you think they came from a peacock feather.  There’s such complexity in the paint’s layer that you can almost hear a conversation leap from the canvas but ahh… that’s it, that’s the problem… I need a canvas, my own space.  It’s hard to feel like I’m starting fresh and anew when I keep painting my new art over the old.  I’d much rather just start fresh with my own clean slate.  Part of me tells myself that this is silly, that I just need to get over it, but there’s one thing I’ve been learning and it’s to pay attention to your cravings.

There’s a difference between a “craving” and a “want.”   Biologically, you usually crave something because you’re body is lacking a certain nutrition or mineral.  Some small children try to eat dirt or pennies because their system is low on metals like zinc or magnesium.  My hunger mechanism has been pretty screwed up for years but I now know, if I’m craving red meat, I need to eat red meat because my iron is low.  Our body is built with thousands of singals that naturally tell us what we need if we only pay attention to it.

Now, crave (or need) vs. want is this: “I really, really want that huge piece of cake because it looks tasty.” That’s a WANT.  “I’m really craving something sweet.”  I eat a piece of chocolate, candy or an orange and instantly feel better because my blood sugar was low.  That was a CRAVE or need.  This is probably a poor explanation but my point is that there’s importance in listening to what’s motivating your wants.  I’m craving my own space not because I want to run away but because I want to have ownership in a fresh slate and new phase of healing.

Other things I’m craving? A mom, a dog, a solid reading library, more opportunities to write/speak, field work and travel, quality time with friends, the beach (sun, sand and water all included), a good sports game, a healthy romantic relationship, solitude with my camera and journal…

May this blog serve as an education to those who do not yet know or understand the atrocities of trafficking and may it serve as an encouragement to those who understand it all too well.

(Post originally written 3/10/12)
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2 Comments

  1. James

     /  April 5, 2012

    I’m a leader in a Christian group (Spartan Christian Fellowship) at Michigan State University, I’d love to have you speak for our students if it’s not too far to travel. it would be next school year obviously. Email me (lovallo.james@gmail.com) if you’re interested or if you know another survivor who lives closer who would like to share their experiences. Thanks so much for your blog, it really does make a difference in people’s lives and I appreciate your faith and vulnerability.

    Reply
  2. Oh sweet girl. How I would LOVE to satisfy ALL of your cravings for you. “The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. Psalm 145:15-17 (NIV)

    Reply

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