Making Peace With Christmas

I wish I didn’t want. I wish family didn’t mean so much to me. I wish I was the strong, fiercely independent, insensitive person I pretend to be… But I’m not… or at least in the moment I don’t feel like I am. Here’s a deep, dark secret for you… I’m actually quit a sensitive person. I have to soul of an artist, everything is taken to heart. I may bounce it straight from my heart into a tightly sealed box, but it first hits the heart.

Christmas is a hard season. It’s a hard season for many people. Every year it does get better for me, but it is still difficult. Against all my valiant attempts, I find myself harboring emotions of loneliness and desires for better relationships. I suppose a want for self-improvement isn’t a bad thing but still… Aside from all the lovey dovey family and forced warm-feeling crap of this season, what is Christmas truly about? It’s about acknowledging and being grateful for the birth of a sacrifice and be birth of an epic love story.

All I know to do on this day is to focus on those things. It’s so easy to get lost in a self-pitied mantra but how ethnocentric is that? In order to make peace with this troublesome time of year, in order to make peace with Christmas I must make peace with the fact that CHRISTMAS IS NOT ABOUT ME. Now there’s a revelation. Christmas is not about the fact that I grew up in a crappy family, it’s about the birth of Christ. (Duh, me, duh…. What an embarrassing reminder.)

So… Thank you Jesus for entering this earth in such a way that allowed me to be able to better relate to you. Thank you for allowing yourself to be born while understanding that meant you were also choosing to allow yourself to die… All for the chance that I might turn to follow you. Thank you Lord. Merry Christmas.

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5 Comments

  1. A revelation we should all have. Blessings to you.

    Reply
  2. amy

     /  January 7, 2013

    very accurate assessment of christmas from a survivor’s perspective, thank you! i kept getting angry at myself that I wasn’t recognizing the reason for the season-Jesus- and instead getting so heart broken about lost family, painful memories, so much stolen. I think part of the problem is it is impossible to avoid the media onslaught of “happy family” imagery. I made it through another Christmas, but gosh I don’t want another holiday anytime soon!

    Reply
  3. Deborah

     /  December 25, 2012

    It is interesting that I often spend so much time focusing on myself that I forget to look around me and see what God is doing! I do it all the time. I have a life and a picture in my mind of what my life is “supposed” to look like. I look around and say “why is my life not like that”. But God is working in mu life and I am right where He wants me to be. All of my needs, wants, and prayers are being answered if I have the guts to let go of the past and some of my baggage and be in this moment expectant on what God is doing in my life. Daily a good lesson for me!
    But, I have to love myself first! Love who God created. Love how God has used every part of my life to get me to this point. Then keep my eyes focused on Him and move forward in joy and expectation of what He has in store for me (and you) tomorrow! 🙂
    It might not look the way I think I want it too, but it will never be anything other than messy if I don’t focus on Him and what is really good in me and in my life.
    Praying for continued healing!

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  4. Nik

     /  December 25, 2012

    We can’t see our snow capped mountains this morning; the clouds are obscuring our vision. We had prayed for snow last night and though I haven’t checked the forecast lately the possibilities were nil.

    When we moved out here from back east one of my many prayers was that God would settle us in a place where it snowed in October and didn’t melt ‘til April. I was disappointed when we finally landed where we did because, though it does snow, it’s sporadic throughout the season and can’t be depended on to cover the ground at Christmas.

    It took me a number of years to shamefully realize that God had indeed answered my prayer-it just wasn’t the way I had envisioned it. It has never failed to snow in the mountains in about mid October and even begin to melt until late April, and the mountains are only a few miles from us and in plain view, year ‘round. Sometimes the answers to our prayers are staring us dead in the face but for a variety of reasons we just don’t see them.

    As I write this note and look out the window, guess what, it’s trying it’s best to snow out there. Praise the Lord!

    Hang in there Kiddo, there’s far more love around you and in you than you realize and I truthfully believe that one day you’ll be able to fully express your feelings in the appropriate manner and place. And maybe, even, the answer to your prayer is staring you dead in the face today, though it may not look like what you’ve envisioned. Have a great day in the glow in the “birth of a sacrifice”.

    “The birth of a sacrifice”. In all my years I’ve never heard it put that way; beautiful and very insightful. You really are quite a gal you know.

    Reply
  5. Very good!!! All glories to Jesus!!!

    Reply

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